i already hear my dad disowning me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My life is pants optional.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
