the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
