I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
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He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
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NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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