my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
