If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
