Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
