this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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