So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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