who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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