Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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