He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
