He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
