I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
