i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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