I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
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History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
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Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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