If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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