I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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