I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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