Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
420 ftw
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
