I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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