Is it normal to miss your booty call?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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