if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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