This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
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I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
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I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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