oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
