i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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