I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
