I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
