On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
