The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
