totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
two words...techno handjob
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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