He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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