nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
