so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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