no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
