Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
