i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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