apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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