we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
