she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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