So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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