Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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