Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
