I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
