She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
