sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
