How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
