jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
