You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize