this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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