So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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