The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
