I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
