He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
