I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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