I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
