the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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