Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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