I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
