You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
