We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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