Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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