We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
