Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
wow bdsm is so cute
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