It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
