help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
