I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I did not marry a roomba.
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