Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
