So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
