eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
