I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
