i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize