my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
