I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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