she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
