this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
