I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
