No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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